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Life is unexpected. Just like me.

Late Realisation

It took me a while to finally realise what is going on in my life.

It's nothing that I have ever expected, it's nothing I ever wanted to happen. Working, studying, and still making time to do what I love: getting involved. If there were more hours of the day, I'd probably take the time to work more. Get myself a full McD meal instead of just the burger.

I'm sure it will get better in time to come.

Another thing I realised: how my life has changed for the past few months. My top priority has always been my family, no matter what. Right now, it is not in the best state, so it is best for me to be by myself. It won't trouble anyone, it won't bring anyone any burden.

Also, I found the reason why I'm such a loner. And why I sometimes can't find the right frequency with the right people.
The reason shall not be disclosed.

I am fortunate to have met new people. It just changed my view of a certain group of people. And realise that some people are really different. Okay, I have yet to find out more. There are more times to come. =)



Love,
Me.

Not what I wanted

It has come to the point that I really have to watch what I say, and to think before I actually say it. To prevent anyone to get hurt, to prevent anything wrong from happening. It's not what I was looking for.

Maybe I am just not ready for this. I am too caught up with myself(and everybody else) to really care about only one person. I keep telling myself that I just need time for myself but think again, how much time do I really need? Is it really only time that will cure this? Some effort needs to be put in as well. But what kind of effort? It's just so hard to decipher.

I've always thought that I was living for other people, and not for myself. I've been working for other people, not myself. Maybe that's why I don't do well in school. Cause I know that school is for myself. Is that really what I want?

Gah.

2010

It's a whole new year, a whole new decade.

Let's sum up 2009, shall we?

January - Final month in Winnipeg
February - Return home, settling issues
March - Career Fair job.
April - Starting working at Propnex as PA.
June - Continued working. Bought the house.
July - Last month of working
August - School started. Hostel, tuition.
September - More tuition, more school. New house.
October - School school school.
November - Probably the best/worst month of the year. (details mentioned in previous posts)
December - Gift Wrapping job.

I just realised that I barely had 4 months of school. I need more school to get myself to think that I am an undergraduate. Can't believe it's taking me so long to register that fact in my brain. =x


It's 2010 now. What's different?

Significantly, it's the other half.

I feel the difference. It's big. And I think it's good. No, better. No, BEST. My way of life is changed, my thinking has changed. Maybe not so much. But I think this is how I really can catch my dreams. Work hard, play hard towards my goal. To what I really want.

I've always been good at shaping my future and making plans, but never really to put it into action. That has got to change. What happened to my nicely planned idea of setting up a skiing team and representing Singapore for Winter Olympics? I think I'll name this idea as the biggest failure in my life if I did nothing significant to make my dream come true.

School's starting next week. I vow that I will attend classes, and actually do my tutorials diligently. Stop texting/msning during lectures cause they're all a distraction. Concentrate, because I seriously need to bring up my GPA.

You can do it Hana!


On the other hand, I've got my girls! Tell me, when was the last time I really felt this way about my girlfriends? Cause all I remember doing half of 2008 and whole of 2009 was just crying, "why don't they share things with me? what happened? why don't i have girl friends?" Tell me that moment is all over.

It's a whole new Hana now. Maybe not so new, it's just the Hana that has came back from the long ago past. Being involved in activities do you good!


And there's him. (:


Okay there's too much information in this post.


Love,
Me.